Job Hunting Part 1

Let's admit it, I have no creative writing skills. I'll try to stick to essays from now on.

I am in the midst of job hunting. My current job as English teacher / seat warmer / pianist in rural northern Japan will end come August, and within the next 5 months, I intend to find a job. In Tokyo.

Yesterday, I was semi-interviewed by a nice man I was introduced to by a mutual friend. I had originally thought it was a get to know you thing, but after the sudden change into testing how well I could speak and understand Japanese, there was a slight hint of interview, like strong cheese. Stinky but delicious at the same time.

During our 30 minute chat, I received a lot of good tips on how to network. And one of them was to write a blog, documenting the shit I went through, and the shit I'll go through on the road to finding a job. If I ever find one.

So let's start. I don't know if anyone will read it, but in our economy, perhaps there are those who sympathize with what I am going through and can write about their own experiences here. And I will learn or laugh, probably both. I will be candid, and I will document what I do and how it turns out. Hopefully you, readership, will get something out of it. But after I get the job. Because you know, I hate competition.

The whole reason I'm even doing this is because I was rejected from Kyoto University (ref. Entry 1). It was a rather large blow. I was confident I could at least get a trial period as a graduate student, but I wasn't even close to being admitted.

I just spaced out for a moment and thought about how I could make money by creating or discovering the next internet meme, like lolcatz, and selling T-shirts of funny pictures of animals with captions.

The professor said she was really moved by the fact that I actually attempted, but really, my Japanese level is so unbelievably rank that she didn't bother to edit my essay on what I thought of her essay on Heian, Kamakura and Muromachi era female spirit possession in literature.

After writing that sentence, I am a little happy I got rejected. Even though it's something I want to study, I don't see much of a future in it. I just like studying I guess.

I also think I have ADD.

After getting angry at myself for an evening, I channeled it into some ball of hatred/determination and fully dedicated myself to finding a job. Which I had to do again after I learned I failed the Japanese Language Proficiency Test (JLPT) a few days later. It's been about 2 weeks since then, and the motivation borne from hate is finally wearing off and I'm a little sleepy.

You know who I can network with here? Cabbage. And rice. Maybe they'll give me jobs.

The failure is completely my responsibility. I was off passing by 10 points, which is around 3 or 4 questions. If I had just gotten a few more right, if my luck was just a little better...

My luck has always been shitty. Remember when you tried to smuggle apples past gate security and they thought they were bombs? Yeah. Apple bombs. Who the hell even makes bombs in round shapes anymore? In conclusion, your luck is fucking awesome.

But I am looking forward

Totally backward and eternally regretting my endless string of failures

and I've applied to 7 or 8 positions since then. I spruced up my resume, wrote some new stuff about my job and dreams and why I love puppies but am willing to exploit 3rd world workers for additional profit, and sent it off.

I really do love puppies.

And! I've been rejected by all of them. For the sake of professionality, I won't post their names, just what field they were involved in.

1. Making executive office spaces both in real life high rises and digital spaces

Appeal: (A Japanese term for making myself appealing to the company) I'm pretty, and like fashionable things (which is true if I had enough money for plastic surgery and enough left over to buy a new wardrobe). I also understand Feng Shui, and man, if you're going build something in China, you better make sure it doesn't have mountains to the front and has enough water elements to counteract the fire properties in the kitchen and naturally associated with business.

Result: Rejection

2. Overseas Opportunity! Business establishment and opportunity!

Appeal: They wanted somebody with knowledge of the game industry and somebody who speaks English, Japanese and Chinese.

Result: Rejection. I either lack logical and efficient thinking, or I'm not 33-38 years old.

3. Medical Science Interpreter

Appeal: I studied it in university. I also looked up all the acronyms you used, including KOL, TA, IIS.

Result: Rejection. I don't have more than 3 years of experience in the pharmaceutical industry. I asked to be a part of their team instead of the manager, but it didn't work :(

4. Haneda Airport Desktop support

Appeal: Bilingual. Basic work experience with computer systems and I like airplanes.

I really do like airplanes.

Result: No response. I sent in my resume and other things separately. I will consider this a rejection. Like a date who decides not to pick up the phone, I have been dumped by this recruitment company.

5. Warehouse inventory manager

Appeal: Has worked with inventory: check. OCD personality: check. Considers timeliness extremely important: check. Fluent in 3 languages: check. Also the job posting had rather atrocious spelling, so hey if that's the level of quality they expect, I should be a shoo-in.

Result: Rejection. Thank you for not putting this on the job description, but in case somebody else applies, please write that the applicant should have 10 years in supply distribution, and at least 5 years of management experience. Which means I should have started working when I was 8. And write it before I waste a morning on the cover letter.

Of course, it's possible that I was an idiot and missed it or just didn't read it. Or it was edited after I applied. Because it's written there now. In which case, my bad.

6. Bilingual assistant to recruitment assistant exec.

Appeal: I speak multiple languages and have OCD and blah blah blah (ref. 1-5). Also, I would make a great office trophy wife. Look pretty and arrange flowers to liven up the workplace. Also willing to wear skimpy clothing if that is part of the gig. Did I mention I'm flexible? Not only in terms of available work time, but if you give me a pole, I can show you...

Result: I applied yesterday, they haven't gotten back to me yet.

In addition, there are two hidden job applications I did. Like the warp pipes in 1-1 in Super Mario Bros.!

Hidden Job 1: Serve coffee at a supposedly upscale boutique to Chinese customers.

Appeal: I can be decent looking (ref. plastic surgery above). I like upscale things. I speak multiple languages. I will give you sexual favors in exchange for that Prada purse.

Result: Rejected. They never told me why, but they probably were looking for a woman to be honest.

Hidden Job 2: Desktop support

Appeal: I was actually scouted (or head hunted) and it seemed like they really wanted me. I sent a response back saying I was interested a couple days later.

Result: No response (and it's been 2 weeks but still...), but this is the kind of love I hold onto forever. Baby, don't leave me!

And so ends the first part of my 就職活動 or job hunting.

I am so hungry right now.